Cupcakes should have Warning Labels
Question: When a powerhouse picks on a cupcake to fill in its non-conference schedule, who wins?
Scenario 1: Powerhouse State blows out Cupcake U.
Average fan sees this and says: Powerhouse was picking on Cupcake and should have scheduled Contender U or Almost Good Tech. The bully picked on the little guy. Shame on the bully.
Verdict: Cupcake U wins with large payoff. Cupcakes womens field hockey team gets new shin pads.
Scenario 2: Powerhouse State beats Cupcake U unimpressively.
Average fan sees this and says: Ha! Powerhouse must not be that good to be exposed by Cupcake. Powerhouse sucks! They should have blown them out! Go Cupcake!
Verdict: Cupcake U wins large payoff and respect. Cupcakes womens field hockey team streaks through campus.
Scenario 3: Powerhouse State barely beats Cupcake U.
Average fan sees this and says: Oh man! Powerhouse sucks! Theyre going to drop in the polls! I cant believe that over-hyped linebacker from Powerhouse beat up the punter from Cupcake like that on national television! What a pansy!
Verdict: Cupcake U wins large payoff, respect, exposure. Cupcakes womens field hockey teams next game televised by ESPN 2.
Scenario 4: Powerhouse State gets beat by Cupcake U.
Average fan sees this and says: Ha! I knew they shouldnt have gone to the Rose Bowl last year!
Verdict: Cupcake U wins large payoff, respect, exposure, ticker-tape parade. Goal posts and Powerhouse fans are biggest losers of the week. Cupcakes womens field hockey team bake sale grosses millions.
Notice how in this extremely scientific case study, Powerhouse never once wins the scenario, even though they may win on the scoreboard. Sometimes strategies change when a good team plays a big underdog. The coaches say theyre going to treat Cupcake like any other team, but their play calling says otherwise.
Lets say that Powerhouse is playing, I dont know, a 43-point in-state rival underdog whom they havent faced in almost 100 years. Since Powerhouse who in this situation isnt in Florida, the coaches are going to play a very conservative, fundamentals-honing game, and theyre going to win, but not in exciting fashion. Also keep in mind that great teams throughout the country recruited Powerhouses players, in-state opponent did not receive any callbacks. They were too good to play there. Let the sleepwalking commence.
I was counting
7 people in Ohio Stadium who didnt cheer when the MSU/ND score was announced
3 ugly shades of orange that were on sport bar televisions across America Saturday night
39 shots bought for the two Michigan fans watching the Syracuse/UM game at BW3 in Columbus (hope your Sunday was cheery, boys)
50 rank, out of fifty, for state of Wisconsin sports this weekend Packers and Badgers both lose to home underdogs; Sammy Sosa gives Brewers national exposure with home runs 60 and 61
1 Big Ten teams without better records than Notre Dame
415 receiving yards Ken-Yon Rambo would have had if Ohio State had used a normal game strategy
3/10 chance this years Buckeyes have of beating a good team that runs the option
Cincinnati vs. Ohio State. The Badger killers invade Columbus. Wisconsins loss is Ohio States gain perhaps the whole Buckeye team can raise their level of intensity from 10% to maybe even 30% this week. It got so bad vs. Ohio U that Reggie Germany actually fell asleep while running in motion and just fell over during Steve Bellisaris cadence. The worse part was that nobody even noticed and they ran the play. Two yards. Wiley up the middle. Third and long. Thanks in advance, Wisconsin. Ohio State 45, Cincinnati 6.
Web sites of Interest
Scouting the Cincinnati Bearcats:
Cupcakes and Powerhouses are all taken seriously at email@example.com
Bay Buckeye / firstname.lastname@example.org